Little Red Diary,
How I miss you,
and the conversations I had with you.
The way you allowed me to scribble,
my gibberish,
in the insides of you,
and the way,
you let me doodle,
all over you.
I was a lonesome boy,
a recluse,
dear diary,
and you made me your friend.
And you became my best friend.
You concealed in your pages,
my identity,
like a faithful friend,
and my sodden past.
Do you remember,
the day I proposed to that girl,
and the silly latin poem I wrote?
Ah yes, we had such a good laugh.
Where are you, my diary?
And Oh diary!
Do you remember how she used to scribble,
within you,
when she wanted my attention.
You helped us bond better,
dear diary.
And do you remember,
the day I was badly drunk,
and I drew thorny words,
ineligible,
within you.
It must have pained,
I am sorry.
But you held on to me,
just like a faithful friend.
All those cryptic messages,
I hid within you,
are lost with you my diary.
How I repent my forgetfulness.
What wouldn’t I do,
to have you back my diary.
To have a piece of me,
back again.
***
On June 1 2007, I forgot my bag in an auto-rickshaw near Ansal Plaza, South Delhi. Inside the bag were: some CDs, my father’s tie, some forms and promotional material for Reliance Money, a crossed cheque, and my little red diary.
Of all things I lost, I rue it the most. It had bits of me within its pages for the past three years. During my highs and my lows, I would seek its aid: reading everything I had scribbled in it, everything that some of my friends had scribbled in it, all doodles I had drawn, many of my brilliant ideas, my discussions about my self and the world around me, my classroom notes, and two chapters of a novel I am writing. A lot of stuff.
During my graduation, in the year 2004, I got that diary and I started maintaining it as my class notes register. Within a few days I got bored of making notes (imho that is a task best left for girls) and soon it started recording all sorts of discussions I had with my friends. One of these friends was a girl who used to disturb me and seek my attention by scribbling in the diary. Though we have walked away on our separate ways in life, she continued to be a part of my life through her entries into that diary.
Similarly, things went on and soon I joined post graduation. There was this new girl and well, she also became a large part of that diary. I even had some designs/sketches made by her on bits of paper, napkins, etc. within that diary. Now, that was precious too.
And many of my poems, my game designs, software specifications, algorithms, my couplets, my doodles, my stories, my novels, so many things.
In Riddle Terms, this was at least 4 times more special to me than Riddle’s Diary to Riddle… See, how close I am to being a mortal again.
All is lost now. And I will never depend on something that can be lost for the little comforts of life.